Changed for the Better

Days are different than they used to be. My life has changed so much since November 22, and there is nothing in this world that could ever make me go back. 

I live for the little things you do. The first time I got to hold you, (an hour or so after you were born), I tried to nurse you. You immediately latched on and you knew just what to do. I marveled at your intelligence and at God's perfect design that He gave you the knowledge of what you needed to do to live. You knew how to breathe, how to potty and what you needed to do to eat. You were brilliant in every conceivable way. 

You were perfect. Your head was perfectly round and your skin was without flaw. All of the nurses talked about how beautiful you were. I was mesmerized by you. I couldn't believe that you were ours. I was afraid to blink in case I missed something. I watched you breathe and I listened to you cry. (You have never cried for long. We are always right there to give you a bottle or change your diaper.) I was amazed by your tiny little fingers and toes and I was impressed by the strength of your grip. I would find myself lost in my own little world, just staring at you. The whole of the room would be talking and moving around me, but I was hypnotized by you. 

As a new mother, I was terrified that I was doing things wrong. I was so tired the day they sent us home from the hospital that I took a long nap once we got home. Everyone left the apartment early that evening, and then it was just me, you, and your Daddy. Your poor Daddy! I was crying about EVERYTHING. I cried looking at you, I was so moved by how perfect you were. I cried as I held you, convinced that we needed to go back to the hospital. I was overwhelmed with fear. I didn't know how we would ever be able to keep you safe and happy. I cried for every reason imaginable. Even though I knew that the main issue was my hormones going crazy from no longer being pregnant, it didn't make things much better. That first night you woke up a few times and you stayed awake a few hours. I cried as I rocked you, convinced that you would never go back to sleep. I was resigned that I would have to give up any and all sleep and live life as a zombie. But, everything worked out. It turned out that you were designed to handle new parents and that you knew exactly how to let us know what you needed. And, after that first night, you quickly adjusted to sleeping at night and being up some during the day.

You are a VERY good baby. You sleep through the night, around 7 hours at a time. You only cry if you need something and as soon as that need is met, you are quiet again. We are very, very blessed. 

As every mother does, I have convinced myself that my baby is the prettiest and the strongest in the world; you were holding your head up on your own at only a day or two old. Granted, it is still a heavy ol' noggin and you haven't gotten total control of it yet, but you are getting there! I live for the times that you give me that smile of yours! When you smile really big, you scrunch up your nose. There is nothing cuter in this world!! You laugh in your sleep now and I can't wait to hear you laugh when you are awake. You have the most expressive face. You are absolutely adorable!

Yes, everything in my life is topsy turvy now. I find myself feeling most comfortable when you are in my arms, and your baby smell melts my heart. I love to kiss your chubby cheeks and tell you how very much I love you. I love it when your Dad and I take turns reading to you at night and I love sharing all of my favorite music with you. You are the perfect listener for whenever I need to talk, and you seem to take in every word I'm saying. I see you when you follow us with your eyes and you try to read the expression on our faces. I hope you can see how incredibly proud we are of you and how you have captured every fiber of our beings. I don't mind the countless messy diapers and the occasional spit-up. I don't mind when you are fussy or when you are a little more of a night owl than usual. I consider you to be the greatest gift in the world and I love you to the moon and back!

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone

All the Pretty Little Ponies

As you probably know by now, music is incredibly important to both your Mom and Dad. I have a few lullabies that I love for you to listen to, and I think you like them, too!

I was going to post the lyrics from Josh Groban's "Lullaby" on here, but when I read them I realized the song was a little bit sad so I decided I would rather put the lyrics from another great song.

So, instead, I am posting Kenny Loggins' "All the Pretty Little Ponies." This is one of my favorites!

Hush a bye
Don't you cry
Go to sleep my little baby
When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little ponies

In your bed
Momma said
Baby's riding off to dreamland
One by one
They've begun
Dance and prance for little baby
Blacks and bays, dapples and greys
Running in the night
When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little ponies

Can you see the little ponies
Dance before your eyes
All the pretty little ponies
Will be there when you arise

Can you see the little ponies
Shining before your eyes
All the pretty little ponies
Gonna be there when you arise

Hush a bye
Don't you cry
Go to sleep my little baby
When you wake
You shall have
All the pretty little ponies
All the pretty little ponies
All the pretty little ponies


Here's a youtube video so you can listen to the song. :) 

From Daddy, with Love

November 22, 2011 was one of, if not the greatest day of my life. It was, by a long shot, my proudest day, leaps and bounds over even my graduation from Troy and, believe it or not, the day when I married your mother. On that November night, I felt the most beautiful and indescribable emotion I have ever felt. Nothing has, or will, ever compare to the love I felt for you when they showed you to me. Granted, you did look like a red/blue/not-quite-purple alien, but God, you were beautiful. Before I get caught up with the end, let me start at the start (worry not, it's the highlight version).

The summer of 2009 was a rough time for me. I was dealing with a break up and your mom was there for me. Shortly after, we started dating. I knew from the moment we began to hang out she was special. She was, well, is truly my better half. As sappy and "Jerry McGuire" as I am about to get, she completes me. It was that love I felt for her that led me to propose to her. On April 18th of 2010, I took her to the Georgia Aquarium and had to fight her from digging into my pockets for the ring. I finally proposed to her shortly before we left, in the place that meant the most to both of us, the Beluga Tank. (Don't worry, you'll see them plenty.) As if she couldn't be more my equal, she knew for a week or more before we went to the aquarium that I would propose and how I would propose. She knew that it couldn't have been a more perfect way (Her words, not mine. :D)

By that November, we were husband and wife. The 20th of November 2010 is the second happiest day I have ever had in my life. There were some ups and downs with the day (tuxedo mishaps and a Troy Trojan loss to South Carolina), but nothing could ruin that day. When I saw your mother in her wedding dress, white with accents of purple, my heart melted and I fell truly, madly and deeply in love with her once again. The easiest decision I ever made in my life was saying "I do" and pledging my love to her forever. Marrying Anna was the best thing that ever happened to me; now it's a very close second.

Alright, now that you know what led us to you, I'll tell you about when you got here. Things were crazy. We were in the middle of celebrating our one-year anniversary on the 20th. We were getting ready to watch a movie when the doctor came in, checked your mom's vitals and said it was time to get ready. I was elated that I would finally get to meet my Katharine Claire. Even though you had been growing for nine months, the reality was dawning on me that your mother and I had created you and that you were really and truly ours, 23-chromosomes-apiece ours. Surreal doesn't even begin to cover it. The hardest part of it all came late Monday night. I had stayed out of my training for my new job because we had expected to meet you that day. Once we realized that you weren't coming, I had to call and try to get another day off, but I couldn't. Heartbroken didn't begin to cover it. I was a mess. I didn't want to leave your mom alone. Granted, her Aunt Laura was going to be there, but I felt hopelessly useless.

The next day, I reluctantly left for work. Aunt Laura was there and was a godsend. She kept me updated through texts all day on your mom's condition. As soon as five o'clock hit, I ran out the door as fast as possible and drove, let's say, in a very excited manner. I got to the hospital around 5:30 and found nurses all around your mother. They were prodding her, trying to place an IV and she was shaking and in pain. My heart ached for her, because I wanted to help and would have gladly taken the pain from her if it were possible. I kissed her on her head and they told us a C-section was the best course of action, since your mom was no closer to having you than when she started. I called and let everyone know that it was going to be happening within a few hours. It was a great relief when I texted your Godfather, Uncle Justy. He was to the hospital within 30 minutes and helped talk me down from a pre-birth, gonna-be-a-daddy, I'm-so-not-ready-for-this freakout. We finished dinner and I went back to the room and spend time with your mom. We held hands and talked about how excited we were to have you here with us. Finally around eight o'clock that night, they came and got your mom. They told me they had to take her to do some procedures with her first and then they would come get me.

I got dressed in my scrubs and started to wait. I can say without a shadow of doubt that time has never moved more slowly that it did during that few minutes. I was overcome with emotion and foremost of those were equal parts excitement and worry. I paced around the room, turned on the TV (to which I paid no attention and your mom made fun of me for later. I can't defend my nervous actions. I just wanted to have you and your mother both in my arms), and finally went out and asked Dr. Torrence, one of the doctors who did the C-Section, if I could go back. They told me it would be a few more minutes. Those extra minutes were agonizing and I was so exhausted from emotion that when they got me to go to the operation room, I forgot to put on my mask and almost walked around the wrong side of the table your mom was on. I don't think I could have looked at her the same if I had seen that. ;P

I sat down beside your mom, who was sick from some medicine and waited for a minute or two before handing the camera off to a nurse to take pictures. Your mom said I looked like a deer in headlights and that I looked woozy, but the truth was that I was truly drained of emotion and tired from worry. Finally, we heard your cry. It started out small, but it soon became a bellow, much akin to your mother's singing voice. As I said before, you were the most beautiful red/blue/not-quite-purple alien I had ever seen. They cleaned you up and weighed you and let me hold you for the first time. To be honest, I was most scared about that part. Before you, I think I had held all of three babies and I may be overestimating by two or even three. The amazing part, though, was that as soon as the nurse put you in my arms, it felt natural. I didn't have to work to hold you. My arms knew how to hold you. I knew how to care for you and protect you.

As if you weren't already endearing to me, once your bath was complete, the nurse took you into the nursery to weigh and measure you, as well as, give you some shots. The entire time your Mops and Pops, Mimi, Aunt Bailey, Aunt Laura and Uncle Justy watched through the windows. I tried to look at them, but my eyes kept dropping back to you. To be honest, I was fighting tears the whole time, because my heart overflowed with joy and love at the sight and feel of you. During your mom's pregnancy, the only contact I had with you were ultrasounds and a few times when you kicked my hand from inside your mom's belly. But through the whole time the nurse examined you, you held on to my index finger, gripping tightly with your tiny hands. You may not remember that, but I hope some part of you knows that whenever you need me to and no matter how old you are, you'll always have Daddy's hands to hold on to any time you need them.

November 22, 2011: Your Birth Story

There is so much I could say to you and include in your birth story, but the many days I was in the hospital leading up to November 22 are not important in the long run. I was admitted into the hospital 17 days before you were born, and I was so lonely waiting for you to come. Your Daddy came and visited me when he could, and he spent many nights sleeping on the uncomfortable couch. Your Mimi and Aunt Bailey came to visit, along with your Mops and Pops. Daddy Rick even came to see me when they admitted me into labor and delivery. I had visitors, but for the most part, I spent a great deal of time getting to know the nurses and feeling you kick and grow stronger every day.

On November 20, your Dad and I celebrated our one year wedding anniversary. We had big plans for the night. We were going to order a fancy meal from a nice restaurant and cuddle up together and watch Titanic or Moulin Rouge. Those plans changed very quickly when my doctor decided she wanted to induce me the next morning. She had originally wanted to wait, but then she changed her mind at the last minute. Within an hour, the nurses came and wheeled me off to Labor and Delivery. Your Mimi came and brought us our wedding cake, and then turned right back around to go back to Panama City to get ready to come back the next day. She had to make sure everything was prepared for her substitute teacher. Ben and I ate the top piece of our wedding cake and spent the night holding hands and experiencing every emotion possible. The fact that we were soon going to be parents was more of a reality than ever. We were anxious and excited, all at once.

The next day, the doctor started me on Pitocin to start contractions. Your Daddy had taken the day off of work, and we couldn't wait to meet you later that day. After being on that medicine all day long and trying all sorts of other things to get labor started, I was still no closer to having you than I had been when I started. So, the doctors decided it would be in our best interest just to try again tomorrow. I was very sad because your Daddy had to go back to work the next day. He was training for his new job, and he could only have one full day off of work. I wasn't going to be alone, though, because my Aunt Laura was coming to help me.

The next morning your Daddy went to work and Aunt Laura was there bright and early. They started me on Pitocin and broke my water at 11 a.m. At that point it was official : You were going to be here soon!! Your Aunt Laura was my hero that day. I missed your Daddy so much, but she was there for me to talk to and to take care of me when I needed her. She had been a nurse, so she knew what she was doing and she was able to tell me what was going on. When your Daddy walked into the room at 5:30, they were working to find another place to put my IV. There was a problem with the first IV and they had to replace it. He was very worried to see all of those people standing over me. He teared up and gave me a big hug. He had texted Aunt Laura for updates all day and he was so ready to get to the hospital and check on us! It wasn't too long after he got there that Dr. Torrence came in and told us it would be best if we did a C-Section. I hadn't progressed at all, and you were completely content to stay in your warm little home. Finally, at 8 p.m., they wheeled me back to start the C-Section.

When they started the surgery, I was reminded of what it felt like when a big cat makes biscuits on your stomach. That was literally all I felt. I was very sick during the C-Section due to my blood pressure being way too low. Your Dad came into the room right before they started the surgery and sat beside my head. He didn't say very much. I think he was overwhelmed by how fast everything was going and by the fact that after over 9 months of waiting, you would be here within minutes. I talked to Ben the whole time, (in between the times that I was sick), and I asked him if he was excited. He said he was, but he still looked very nervous. Dr. Torrence and Dr. Raines performed the C-Section. I was very happy they were the ones doing the surgery because I trusted them completely. I should have been nervous, but even though I was sick, all I could feel was excitement. After just a few minutes, I heard Dr. Raines say, "Oh, how pretty," and then they asked me if I wanted to see you. And, then, just like that, there you were. After 9 months of waiting and thinking about you and praying for you, there you were. They stuck my beautiful little purple girl up over the curtain and my first view of you was perfect in every way. You started crying and it was the best sound in the world. I cried, you cried, and all of the sudden, I knew what it was to fall in love at first sight. Your Dad went over to where they weighed and measured you. As they started working on sewing me up and cleaning you up, I yelled to Ben and asked him if you had hair and what color it was. He yelled back that it was dark brown and I laughed. I couldn't believe you had hair. They gave you to Daddy and he brought you over for me to look at. You were simply perfect in every way.

Katharine Claire was born 11/22/11 at 8:54 p.m. She weighed a grand total of 7lbs, 2ozs. I feel like that is when life really began for us. This pregnancy wasn't easy, but the result is the most beautiful gift God has ever given me. We are so blessed! 

This is you in the dress that I wore home from the hospital and Aunt Bailey wore home from the hospital. It is 25 years old now, and three girls have worn it!

Dr. Torrence: One of the doctors who delivered you. 

Dr. Raines: Another one of the doctors who delivered you. In this picture she is actually pregnant with her little boy.

You and your sweet Aunt Bailey. Two of my favorite girls!